i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
