i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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