you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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