I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
