she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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