So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i wish my penis had a tongue
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
