If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
