took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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