I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
