he wants to bone in the snuggie
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
