WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
