K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
