there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
