It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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