That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
