my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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