he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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