So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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