Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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