Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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