i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
