She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
