She went from zero to smokin in five shots
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
