You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
