So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
