It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
