Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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