His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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