You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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