He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
