I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
