I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
im six kinds of drunk right now
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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