Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
