butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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