im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
