he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
