i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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