I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
