Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
