ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
