I faked an abortion last night.
He kissed a someone with a penis
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
