I think scott just propositioned me for sex
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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