i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
