I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
