idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
