so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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