I cockslap morals
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
