Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize