I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize