lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
