did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
