how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
