You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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