My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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