I must be too annoying 4 u.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
