My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
