there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
