It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize