Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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