I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
