Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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