dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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