My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
