You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
