I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm too high and old for this...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
