I've blown a few things in my day
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
