What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
