Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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