I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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