My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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