whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
