omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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