dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
