i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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