new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
